thunderstorms

i hate thunderstorms.
i love thunderstorms.

can you see my problem?

to be honest, i don't really know why i hate/love them.
i just do.

i used to love them and then all of a sudden i grew this huge fear of them.
i never figured out why, i just did..

isnt that weird? how i developed a fear with no real reason.

maybe its a metaphor for something in my life
or maybe i just decided one day that i feared them.

heres to my innerchild fears,

i love thunderstorms, i hate thunderstorms.



jess.

dear ex

dear ex girlfriend,

i am so sorry i was not good enough for you.
i am so sorry you needed more.
i am so sorry i wasnt the one.
i am so sorry you met me.

but most of all, i am so sorry i fell in love with you.

i honestly thought you were the one.
there are so many people here at school and i cant help but think that i could have easily handled it all while with you. and i think thats because i thought you were the one.
its okay though because i forgive you. and i know you think that your heart was broken in the process of all this too but i am so sorry to say that you have not experienced a true heart break.
i understand your reasons for the breakup and i dont hold that against you, i am a better person having knowing you, but you still have no right to grieve or compare your "torn"  heart to mine.
if it matters, im doing much better now. i have found happiness by finally letting go tothe false hope i held on to for so long. i am now happy being alone, if that makes any sense. i am back to being my independent self, the girl that doesnt need someone to make her happy. the girl that can only count on herself and be okay with that. the girl that can rebuild anything that breaks her or even attempts to break. i am myself again.

i am not sorry i met you
i am not sorry i loved you
but i am sorry for thinking you'd never hurt me.

its okay now, because i have found my own neverland.

and although we arent together, i think apart of me will always have a special place in my heart for you as a friend. i say friend because thats the only thing i miss the most about you. your friendship to me was everything, so losing my best friend was hard.

but its all okay because just as you chose your new path, i am creating my own.

goodluck with all that comes towards you.
and thankyou for allowing me to love you and be loved by you.

-Jess

Happy Valentines Day

hey guys, I hope all is well for everyone especially today. Today of all days is special because it's supposed to be the one day that is dedicated to love. although I am not technically apart of today, in a strange way I am. I have friends who I love, and family I love. What greater love is there? Love is love. How a person shares it is their own to discover. I take today as a wonderful day to show the people I love how much I love them. I woke up this morning alone, but happy. I hope everyone else did too, at least happy I mean.

For those of you with the option to tell/show someone you love them, bless you. You are one of the lucky ones. Don't be afraid to do the cheesy things like buy your lover a bouquet of roses or a giant bear. Be silly, dare to be dramatic.

You get one chance a year to go over the top. Valentine's Day is the day of love. If you have someone to love, show them.

Dare to write down the many reasons you love someone.
Dare to sing the many reasons you love someone.
Dare to do it all.

And if you are spending this day alone, that's okay too. Because so am I, and I'm still here wishing you a happy Valentine's Day.

So for every person out there, I hope you had a wonderful loved day. And may the next year be even better.



Jess.