Wednesday, January 25, 2017

"break me again"

one of my favorite poets wrote: ""break me again" she said softly because she knew he was addicted to broken things." -R.M. Drake

this small poem or assertion or whatever you want to call it spoke to me in ways i cannot completely comprehend. like my last post, i always find myself fixing broken people, but what if this whole time i wasn't the one addicted to broken things, but rather addicted to being fixed. 

some of you might read this and totally relate, whether you're the one whispering or the one addicted, but some of you might just think its an interesting idea that someone could ever be in either one of these positions.

Lately, I've been a little confused on what I want or what I'm looking for. I met someone, someone I wouldn't typically find attraction to, but for some strange reason I have. The only problem is that I don't know how this person feels about me, and I totally understand that it's too early to talk about "what we are" and stuff, but I would like to know if we both have similar intentions, if not then I don't want to waste my time anymore.

you know how people always say something like "love is risky," or something along those lines. well I completely agree, but I'm also not willing to go after something that I know will not end up the way I want. I am so exhausted from wanting something that I know I deserve and still not getting. I'm patient enough to wait and not be too hasty. I can't be too hasty, not if I want to find a love that is real.

That's what anyone wants really, something that's real. Someone that's real. I guess you could say that everyone is real, but I don't believe that you can have a real connection with everyone you meet. I like to think that if we could then we could find love everywhere we went. But again what would be the point to finding love and someone who understands us if there's a connection with everyone. And to an extent we have connections with everyone we interact with, but when I say connection, I mean a connection that you can't have with just anyone.

I have to trust that we yearn for something so fragile we have to treasure it with everything we have, and we can't protect it because nothing can protect it. It's inevitable.

so maybe that's what R.M.Drake meant, to break the connection that was so fragile so that we can learn to treasure it. Or maybe we treasure only something that is broken because we build connections on broken things, it sounds odd but the way I see it, we just use those broken pieces to fill in the parts that we don't have.  

Sunday, January 15, 2017

simple thoughts

you know, it's kind of exhausting fixing people.
for those of you who know what i mean will agree, but for those who are still not clear as to what i mean, allow me to clarify.
i find myself being attracted to people that need fixing and i guess that is because i probably need a little fixing myself. it's kind of that mind set that fixing someone who help myself too but i am so over it.
i want to meet someone who doesnt need to be fixed so that i can finally learn to fix myself. i dont think im broken or anything but i am tired.
i just want to find someone who can make me laugh, and not make me feel like i have to impress them. i actually might be beginning to find that, but i guess time will tell.

for those of you who read my posts, thankyou. this post was just a small thought that i just needed to put out into the world but hidden so that only some people will find.

expect more posts throughout the 2017 year, i am changing my ways starting this year and hope to stay constant with them.

thankyou readers,

jess.