a breathless sensation

have you ever held your breath under water until you couldn't any longer?
have you ever done it so slowly that you take in how calm everything is. you open your eyes and everything looks so clear, the feeling that if you could, you'd stay there. but then you get to the point where you need to breathe, and you do your best to stay under as long as your body will allow you to, and your chest starts to tighten up and the under water feeling that was so calm suddenly disappears. so you kick your feet to come back up and the first thing you do is take a big breath of air. oxygen never felt so good. but most of the time, i find myself debating whether to come up for that air. it only takes one second to debate but its the longest second of my life. Most people don't think about staying under water past breaking point but i do. i do because in that split second i think about everything that i hate about my life. it all sounds so morbid, but i can guarantee im not the only one whos done this. most of you never stop to consider if you have and im sure theres a handful of people who would figure out that theyre just like me. thats all okay though, its okay to have these moments because when i come up for that air, i realize i love my life. i love all the struggles and misery that i may have because i know they dont out weigh all the wonderful things i have.